What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 07:37
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
What do you say after "Hi" when chatting?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Julio Rodríguez addresses robbery at his home - MLB.com
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What are the pros and cons of living in Male, Maldives?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was 9 years of age.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Would this be the day?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What did i know ?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Jordan Ott hiring strengthens questions on Suns’ decision-making tree - Arizona Sports
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was scared of men, in general
I don,t even have a pension.
CNBC Daily Open: Elon Musk's companies report positive developments amid his return to work - CNBC
She found it foreign!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
These glowing axolotls may hold the secret to human limb regeneration - MSN
I will be 64.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And i lived it daily.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Do handsome guys intimidate women or people in general?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She married twice! .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
I think the readers, may guess!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I said to her
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He knew the spot.
So whats the point in blame.
She wouldn,t have been !
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She loved him until the end.
Who then, do I blame.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But it wasn’t much.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
This is soul school!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So, i spoilt her more .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Put me off passion for life!!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My family never makes their pension either.
Ive learnt so much.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I waited trembling.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I could never make a relationship work though!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
It was going to be , some day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
All the time i was locked up.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My life is so biszare .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I have no regrets .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
(And it was in our own minds.)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Was to survive, this bastard.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Comes on , in middle age.
I write beautiful poetry .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We all went to grammer schools
Im still living with it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were not on the streets..
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was seconnd youngest,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She was in good health!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!